Eternal Refuge

Today is a clear memory of waiting up very late at night ... and being with "someone" (it was a neighbour) while looking out of a bedroom window waiting for dad to come home ... to tell me if I had a baby brother or sister.  Nick was born at 8.30 and they let Dad go back to visit them as Mum was not doing well (although they were both able to say she was much better than 4 1/2 years previously when I arrived.

The following day I remember going into the shops with Dad and bought him a yellow chicken-bear that hung on his pram.  I chose it out of loads, and now have it safe here, as Nick didn't want it.



Happy Birthday Nick - despite the ups & downs of our lives, I am so glad you are around (most of the time).  Hope you have a super day xx

I didn't really update to end 2017, and have promised myself I will do better.  So ignoring Christmas (Jiffy and I got soaked walking to see Mum & Dad's graves); Boxing Day that I spent with Nick & Family (and won the game of Star Wars Monopoly); I will head straight into 2018.

It took Jiffy a long time to settle after the fireworks.  Then the night before last we had a thunder storm ... so he wasn't impressed with that, either.  Anyway, we have just got in from a walk and he seemed pretty happy again.  The trouble is that although he is a terrier (who tend to be long-lived), it is times like this he shows his age (of 11 1/2) as he takes time to recover.  As I type this he is curled on the sofa ... presumably dreaming of his lunch.

My job hours have dropped dramatically.  I had a couple of consecutive clinics I was working in, but the afternoon one was changed to full-time which I didn't want to do.  So I now am on a rolling contract for 3 morning clinics a week.  I still work with the bank, so can increase those hours any time I want.  However I have decided to just do those hours for this month so that I am fully recovered after the year I had last year.  I have some money still from mum & Dad, and don't want to just "waste" it, but feel I need to be a good girl and let myself settle ... especially as I plan to go back to Clacton at the end of the month to see Auntie Joyce, for her birthday, but also to decide what she wants for her future.

Rather than spend loads of time on computer solitaire I have started a jigsaw that I was given ages ago and never done, and it is great back to that fun.

So, that's our news up to date!

Today I have my car being valetted by a retired neighbour, and want to start sorting out the Christmas decorations.  And, hope to do some baking ... I really fancy making some coconut buns!

Happy Thursday everyone.

I seem to have spent the last few weeks dipping in and out ... terrible.

I am totally in a muddle as I am having my bedroom furniture built, painted and the room decorated.  I decided while in a muddle I would get evn more muddled, knowing (?hoping) that as the days go along then my whole place will be more organised.  Please note I am not saying my life will be more organised, just the house!!

Anyway, what else?  Because I am having my bedroom done, and all my junk is in my spare room it means (Jiffy &) I are sleeping on the settee.  Needless to say, my old spinal injury has flared up for the first time in absolutely years.  So I make a good advert at the hospital ... work for the NHS and you have to stumble around dragging a leg!  I actually had to leave early on Monday, Tuesday is a half-day, but yesterday I was able to get most of the way through the day!  So, all in all I am getting better.  Today I don't have a clinic, so am not at work, although have to go in later.  I am sitting resting and doing this before trying to catch up with my Future-Learn course.

I went to Nick & Brenda's for lunch on Saturday.  And I must say Nick was more relaxed than I had seen him in literally years, and unlike when I was there at Christmas, he didn't disappear for a few hours.  So I am hoping that in writing his book he has been able to take another step on his way to that light at the end of his long tunnel.  I have read the book, and for me it was listening to Nick as I remember him in his twenties.  So although he can't process this, I do believe that he is managing to find a few of the positives that he talks about looking for.

So, sorry there is nothing much to talk about - and certainly no real reason for my "poor attendance".  I didn't even po in to do the 365 meme yesterday!

No news on the holiday.  I'm waiting for Annemarie to confirm those starting points.  So will catch you up to date when I know more.

Hope you are all enjoying February so far ... can't believe we are already more than a week in!  Will try and be a better girl!

I have this week off, and although there is lots I should be doing, I am going to take the advice of an amazing friend and rest more than work. In some ways it feels so wrong, but then I think of yesterday morning when I didn't wake up till gone 10am. For the first time in 3 years I haven't been tuned into my phone, and for the first time ever I haven't got to account for my time to Mum & Dad. It seems wrong on all sorts of levels.

I also hate the fact I still can't cry. Mum & Dad have been my friends, parents, role models etc, and yet I still can't cry for the absence I now have of them in my life. It feels so bad, and yet I know that when the time is right it will hit me ... I suppose seeing my teenage nephews in tears round Dad's grave on Friday made me feel that there was something wrong with me.

I am hoping to get someone to look at my fence today (waiting for a phone call), I had asked Tim some time ago, but he is "busy". In fact they are away on holiday this week, so hope the weather is good.

Sadly Nick is probably going to lose his job.  He has major health issues, including severe depression, and an ahour each ways drive is not helping.  He loves the job, but not the drive.  He admitted that he could have minimised his symptoms but realised that wouldn't have helped him.  So maybe he is learning to open up a bit.  For the 3 weeks Dad was dying he came every morning for an hour.  He and I did chat, mostly about "nothing", but it was good to be able to spend time with him.

Well, I am going to get sorted out for something to eat ... I am sure Jiffy will be happy to see me type that.

I will catch up with comments now - theye really helped.  Can't guarantee it will be today, but will be in the next few days.  I shall also start to get back to LJ properly, soon.  I have missed you - hope I haven't missed anything exciting in my absense.

Happy Birthday jen_nsync_landl ... hope you are having a good day.

Yesterday Brenda sent me a link to this photo .... her 5 boys, she said.  They are on holiday, so it seems as if they are enjoying family time together.


Nick, Dan, Andrew, Joe & Tom

This morning I had to go to Mum & Dad's to meet the gas engineer to service the boiler, and then the people who are doing the final empty and clean of Mum & Dad's.  It'a the start of the end, and yet it still hasn't sunk in.  This last year has passed over me, yet somehow I can't come to terms with things.

Dad is ok, although a bit low emotionally and finding this warmer weather harder to cope with.  But the staff are monitoring him, and I have managed to get in 5 days a week.  I ususally take Jiffy about every 10 days.  Dad loves seeing "the boy" as he always calls him, and he livens up the staff no end.

Speaking of Jiffy I also took him back to the vets this morning.  He had an infection in his right anal gland.  I have been having to apply warm compresses to him, and it's getting batter.  If it hadn't improved it would have meant surgery, so that's good news.

Once we had seen Marni we went for a walk locally to her ...( Brunel Woods )

Oh well, back to work tomorrow ... but only for the day, then out again with Christine on Friday.

Hope you are all having fun x

To say the house is still chaotic is being polite, but at least I have "dug" my way through my study to find my computer again. I will admit I haven't looked at LJ since I last wrote something, so if there is any big news please let me know.

I thought I would re-start my lj-ing with this amazing link -



As someone who can not dance at all, it does mean that maybe I still have time to learn!!!

So either skip the scribbles, or make yourself a pot of tea, and open up the biscuits ...( what I have been up to )

Group hugs !!

I have just had an email from my nephew, telling me that in his spaere time my brother has written a book ... and kept it quiet!  It is called An Interesting Year

As ever he makes me both proud and happy.

Well done, Nick!

I decided to ask someone elas for 7 words to talk about in this meme thingy.  edenskye gave me -

1. Faith (religious beliefs not vampire slayer LOL)
2. James Marsters
3. Jiffy
4. family
5. Queen Lizzie 2.0 (as Jamie calls her)
6. Classic Movies
7. Clarinet


( And here is the long rambling answer )

Well, congratulations if you read even half of those! Thank you, Tommy, they were some great subjects.

Happy weekend everyone.

Harvest today - Nick came and preached.

Here you can see some of our display, as well as one of the poster that is left on the hall ... our Church is lucky as we get to decorate the building with 3 bands of posters.





We finished with How Great Thou Art ... A truly wonderful hymn, and a special one for Dad. When Stuart Hine came to England in the late 40's he preached in East London and explained he had a new hymn to share ... and gave Dad a one line to play. This was the tune, so Dad was one of the first in Britain to play what is now a popular hymn.

Day 01 - Introduction
Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail
Day 03 – Your parents, in great detail
Day 04 – What you ate today, in great detail
Day 05 – Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 06 – Your day, in great detail
Day 07 – Your best friend, in great detail
Day 08 – A moment, in great detail
Day 09 – Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 10 – What you wore today, in great detail

Day 11 – Your siblings, in great detail

When I was about 3 I asked Mum and dad if I could have a baby brother.  They told me to ask Jesus for one in my prayers (what I didn't know was that they had been told that Mum should never have been able to have me ... further kids were impossible)  ... so I did, and at age 4 1/5 along came -
( Nick )

Trouble is that I obviously prayed too much, as 6 days after my 6th birthday along came -
( Tim )

So, hoped you liked seeing and reading about 2 of the special men in my life.

( Still to come )