Mini Rant ~ But Also A Pic Scam

[debris4spike]

In other words I feel I can winge, as I have pics to share.

It does seem that in my life, how ever much I aim to be positive there are always a couple of underlying factors I can't get round ... or over!  One I think I will leave ... but over the last couple of days have been trying to work through one of the others.


I do love my Mum dearly, but the emotional blackmail she exerts is tough to cope with - even though I know what she is doing, and why ... I still find it hard to deal with.

Come on folks - remember in another year I will be arriving at my 1/2 century ... you would think I would have learnt to stand up for myself by now.

Anyway I have decided that although I can't do much about it - one thing I must do is learn to spend "pamper-me" time.  Yes, hard to admit ... but she would be horrified to think I would do it, and until recently I have gone along rather than upset her ... but that is something I can do ... will do ... even if it's only when I'm here at my house so she won't know about it!!!!

There are some things in my life I wish were different, but aren't.  People say that hindsight is great.  I honestly don't know - I suppose I wish I had been able to assert myself as a teen, then this would not be as big a problem.  Nick & Tim are lucky - Mum will winge about them ... but never to Nick, and only rarely to Tim!!  However they have more independant lives, so it's easier for them to do what they want.

Still, you can't change the past - as Avon says to Cally in Blakes 7 -

"Regret is part of being alive, but keep it a small part!"

Well, I will end as I start - I do love her, and I suppose the hardest thing I have in accepting this is that her mother did similar to her - and she will often mention it!!

Well, there's nothing I can do - but I must learn to take a bit of me time ... if nothing else, at least it will be a positive step ... even if's it's the only one I ever take!


Anyway ... onto more cheerful thoughts!!

I went for a walk today - it really started by the wish to spend some quality time praying for my family and friends, and decided that to walk to the beach would give me exercise, and also a space for me to go where I could really focus my thoughts.

And - I took my camera!

So, here are a few photos I took - not really traditional beach scenes - but they are of Summerlease Beach, Bude ... and The Atlantic Ocean ...









 








Speaking of my prayer time - I do want to say, if ever there is anything you want me to pray for, on a personal level, you only have to PM ... you can be as honest, or as vague as you want ... whether you believe or not, I do ...

God answers prayer.

Comments

[edenskye.livejournal.com]

I feel the same way you do. My parents treat me like that. Basically because I am the only child who is single and doesn't have kids that I need to spend every last second of my free time doing things for them. So I hear what you are saying. A little "me-time" is the answer. I say go for it.

BTW love the pic's. It looks so beautiful.

[debris4spike]

Thanks Tommy - it's good to have friends who face similar tensions!

Me-time is the way to go ... pours us both a glass of wine.

~~
Glad you liked the pics - bit different from Texas!

[caliente-uk.livejournal.com]

Everyone needs 'me time' sometimes, so I say go for it. Mum's can be very good at laying on the emotional blackmail at times, and I should know as I am one! *g* But sometimes you have to do what's best for you, even if you know she wouldn't approve. :)

[debris4spike]

Mmmm - that's why I get annoyed with myself!

But, I'm determioned to maintain some me-time when I can.

Mother-Daughter Relationships are Hard...

[auntiero.livejournal.com]

My mom and I had a long talk a few years about about breaking cycles that seem to occur in families (ours in particular). There were things that her mother did or said that she found herself saying and doing with me. She wanted to break that cycle because she remembered how those things made her feel. And I think we've been able to break that cycle for the most part. There are still things she'll say as she's gotten older that I'll just swallow for the sake of the relationship. Also, now that I'm older and a little more secure with myself, I don't take it to heart and can let them go.

Re: Mother-Daughter Relationships are Hard...

[debris4spike]

Yes, sounds familiar - all mum said about her mum ... yet now, I get the same ... only without the "other half" to take the pressure off. Dad commented recently about it, in a vague way, but the look mum gave him meant he stopped his words. However it was nice to know he is aware of what mum dumps on me.

Yes, I love her - and let it go ... having friends here helps immensely - Thank you

[deborahw37.livejournal.com]

Gorgeous pics!


And you need and deserve pampering time, it's important. You are a strong, independent woman don't doubt that for a moment. Being single doesn't lessen that and now, approaching 50 there will soon be a tipping point ( if it hasn't already arrived) when the pressure will be towards caring for your parents. You need to take a stand in small ways and in small things now if you are to have a life of your own later on.

[debris4spike]

I think it's one of those things that have really made me take notice this last few months. They are doing well ... but ...! So I am trying to get the strength to be positive while I still can.

Thanks Deborah.

[kazzy-cee.livejournal.com]

My parents aren't talking to us at the moment! In a way it's rather nice as I'm not getting the constant 'digs' at us every time we see them, but I'm really angry they are being so childish... *sigh*

Lovely photos - I'd love to dabble my toes in those rock pools! :)

[debris4spike]

Yes, I find myself thinking my parents are childish - what a turn-around we have!

I enjoyed my walk, and the pools were lovely - quite warm as the sun had been out all morning, and I was there lunchtime.

[jerusha]

The beach looks lovely!

*hugs* I have a good relationship with my parents, and I'm very close to them, but they will both say things sometimes that make me cringe and feel awful for days after. So, you have my sympathy, and I think that taking "you time" will help.

[debris4spike]

Thanks - I enjoyed my walk.

And, thanks ... I have read some of your comments, and I know that it is haaving friends here has meant I can rant and know I will be accepted. Yes, "me-time" is something I am going to aim to maintain.

[jaded-jamie.livejournal.com]

These are absolutely beautiful photos.

Also, I want you to know that I think you are one of the most lovely people I have ever met,. I think your conclusions are right and you are made of win. Bring on the pamper, I sure as heck know you deserve it.

*hug*

[debris4spike]

Thanks Jamie - see, I told you i would convert you t fresh air and sunshine!

Yay - I need a badge "made of win ... Jamie says so" ... I might even get to believe it at some point - hugs you

Thanks Jamie - I aim to try to spend some "me" time.

[kaczurda.livejournal.com]

I think many people can relate to how you feel right now - well, we all have mothers, don't we? They can be overbearing at times, but you just have to remember to do what is best for you sometimes. Either way, she understands that you love & care for her! And if she still doesn't understand why you need some "me-time" you could always go the direct route and try to explain your feelings to her!

Lovely pictures, by the way. :)

[debris4spike]

Thanks Kerri.

I suppose the trouble with mum and me is that I've let it go on too long - so she now would wonder why I was suddenly being a rebel!

It's good to know we all feel the same though, whatever our age - whatever country we live in.

Hugs

[strikske.livejournal.com]

First I like to say that I adore your pictures especially the fifth one with all the green stuff.

Secondly, you should try and maybe write your mother a letter in which you explain how you feel, even if you don't give it to her it's great to write stuff down to put it in some place where you can deal with it. And for the me-time you just have to do it. I started doing it this year by seeing James in London and in Bonn and it's given me a more relaxed way to deal with other RL stuff. Besides me-time is about loving yourself so you can love others as well. *BIG HUGS*

[debris4spike]

I hadn't seen that sort of seaweed before - or mabe I hadn't noticed it in the pools before - certainly lovely stuff.

Thanks for the idea - even though it wouldn't work ... Mum would be hurt if I even mention anything at all!

Yes, going to see James for a weekend this year was a good step of independance, as Mum was upset I wanted to go again. This year has been good, with strenth gained from friends of knowing that I am an "OK" person ... the latest is to try and get some regular "pamper-time".

Hugs you back tightly.

[cordykitten]

Me-time is good. You need to have it from time to time. As for emotional blackmail I think it's something all mothers are good with. *hugs*

Love the pics - the green one, what's that? Plants? I thought first water but that can't be I think now.

[debris4spike]

Yes, it is knowing I have friends that has meant I can rant here, and know that you won't think I'm weird.

Yes, the green is seewead - I think it's the stuff that normally looks like a dried stain on the rocks - but this is in a rock pool - it was stunning.

[ayinhara.livejournal.com]

I never had the opportunity to have or try to have an adult relationship with my mother. She died befre her 55th birthday when I was 23 yo. That was 46 years ago. She was a low key person so she probably would not have been very demanding. That is the extreme flip side to the parents issue.

[debris4spike]

Yes, I am so aware that many of my friends have lost their parents young - and it makes me feel so, so guilty that I moan about mine.

I KNOW that I'm lucky to have them, and know them - and have (basically) great relationships with them. I am so fortuneate that they are healthy - and have their brians OK ... I shouldn't be upset when they still use those brains to get what they want - *g*

To say I am sorry for you loss may sound trite - but it is true.

[ayinhara.livejournal.com]

I didn't mean to imply that you do not have legitimate issues with your parents.

My husband's father will be 96 in September. Most of the time he is pretty non demanding. Some of things that he does mystify us. The U.S. converted to digital tv transmission at the end of 2009. My fil has old, barely functioning analog tvs. He opted to get the digital-to-analog signal converters instead of buying at least one HD tv. Can he afford it? Yes. He just considers such a purchase to be frivolous.

[debris4spike]

LOL -sounds like some of the things Mum & Dad say ... then spend money on weird things.

No - I didn't take your words that way AT ALL ... I love having mum around ... even if only to throttle her, as she is a pain!

[louise39.livejournal.com]

Your photos are wonderful - they zoom you away~~~

Parent are great and a pain, an intrusion and a blessing all mixed up. I think it is important to take time for yourself so that time for them won't seem onerous.

Every time I am about to open my mouth to my children, I try to remember how I felt about my parents and then, usually, I just keep quiet!

[debris4spike]

Yes, the thought of pampering myself may seem weird, but I also now realise that it is essential. The funny thing is the first time Toni's kids stayed they were 12 + 15 ... and I caught myself coming out with phrases mum had used to me - *g*

I enjoyed my walk along the beach.

[act3scene1.livejournal.com]

First off, I love the photos. You manage to make your way through such beautiful areas.

I think it's common for parents to get on the nerves of their kids, and probably vice-versa, no matter what our age may be. After all, no matter what side of it we are on, we have our lifetime of experience to know just what nerve to hit. Still, despite how common it is, I do not believe that means it is ok to do so. Take your "me time." I think it's something everyone should do.

[debris4spike]

Thanks - and thanks.

I do love mum, just find it so much harder, probably because we are basically close.

Me-time is certainly something I am going to cultivate.